And her frustration is what spurred me to write today’s post. You imply that you should get rid of the guys that don’t call regularly and make it obvious that they want to date and pursue a relationship and yet in the book you mention that you didn’t take your wife on a proper date for the first 4 weeks and how great she was that when you did call she was nice and said yes to whatever you proposed doing…and you ended up married….which is why women put up with flaky guys and “bad behavior”, holding out hope that it will change and turn into something serious. Or do you move on to the next guy because this one isn’t making much of an effort? But if Tanya is finding this grey area to be a bit too grey, then I have to acknowledge that perhaps I can do a better job of explaining it. So why does a man only call or text you once a week to make plans? If he expresses no interest in escalating the intensity of the relationship… So don’t worry about how much you like him, how strong your feelings are, or anything like that. Did they “see you” once a week for six months and suddenly declare their love? Potential boyfriends act like potential boyfriends. So give a guy 6-8 weeks to figure out his feelings, if necessary.
For some people the 4 weeks turns into 4 months without them noticing and by then they’re in that pattern…and the behavior becomes acceptable yet unfulfilling and it’s too late to change it because you’ve been the “nice”, undemanding girl the whole time. Why is a man perfectly content only seeing you once every two weeks? Just evaluate your man on the effort he’s making for you. And if you don’t get the sense that the relationship is growing, the talk is brief and emotionless: “Hey Adam, it’s been fun getting to know you, but I get the sense that we’re not on the same page.
What DID surprise me is that, after the initial chemistry rush, Janie settled into a low-intensity pseudo-relationship that didn’t leave her at all satisfied. If he doesn’t follow through fast enough or often enough, make a mental note: “Hmm… I may have casually seen my wife for the first 4 weeks of our relationship, but I would always email the next day to say I had fun.
Which is why I wasn’t at all surprised when she met a man only two weeks into our coaching sessions. Application of this made-up “rule” is surprisingly simple. He calls, he texts, he emails – you just “mirror” his efforts and give him enthusiasm and warmth every time.
Emotional Procrastination: A Cumulative Effect Take the situation of receiving a communication request. You’ll put it off until the weekend until you can find a stretch of time to focus your attention on communicating with them. At this point, your match may start to assume that your silence is an indication that you’re just not that interested in even exchanging the most basic and noncommittal questions and answers.