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Intimacy avoidance is often caused by or related to early childhood trauma — physical neglect, emotional abandonment or other forms of abuse — all of which have been associated with attachment problems in adulthood.

Instead of experiencing healthy bonding, children who are neglected and abused learn that intimacy is conditional or abusive, absent or overwhelming; they learn (on an emotional level) that to get to close is to get hurt, and thus it is best to fear and flee any lasting emotional connection.

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Things that are irritating or large problems are internalized and stuffed away, versus being brought out. The emotions are released through one or many of the following non-exhaustive list of items: You could classify the avoider mentality as a large amount of defences rolled into one complex milieu of mechanisms to prevent any further trauma.