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It said: "Do you want to go to lunch and a movie tomorrow? She'll pay." Watching Amy Webb's TED talk (in which she details her online dating frustrations⎯until she got all her algorithms right), I was reminded of my own internet adventures before finally meeting my husband on Match in 2006. Calculating debt based on who had caramel in their frappuccino is not. Approaching in the bright orange jacket I'd "borrowed" from a costume shop, I sported a hippy-fringe purse. Chris felt it too, awkwardly standing there in his loafers, pressed slacks, and white oxford.

With heart palpitating, I played his voicemail message. To them I reply, "If you're offended by this old-fashioned custom, then don't be shy about whipping out your wallet instead." In truth, it doesn't matter who forks over the cash as long as someone does it⎯fully. Taking someone out, being taken out...a rendezvous like this is sexy. There's a reason horny manakin birds do a moon dance and hippos spray their lovers with wet feces. Be happy you're not one of those female mites who kills her mother and brother while breeding. Then dare yourself to get though them all before coffee stains become visible in the cup. Be Exactly Who You are, Though This Means You'll Get Rejected After a slew of emails, Chris and I agreed to meet in front of a museum.

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